I’m what you’d call a planner.
For as long as I’ve been aware of being, well, me, I’ve needed to know where I was going, how I was getting there, and in what state I’d be in upon arrival.
Crossing off To Do list items? Love it.
Checking off Done boxes? Totally my jam.
Compiling new lists of previously crossed/checked off items to reassure myself of having accomplished something? Oh yeah. That’s the good stuff.
So I meticulously blocked out, checked off, prioritized, and scheduled my way through university. Climbed mountain. Slew beast. (Grew white hairs and eye bags.) Returned with the $25,000 piece of paper reiterating aforementioned accomplishments. Found job by the end of the summer.
Check. Check. (Check.) Check. Check.
And then it hit me. Now what? I had only ever planned up to here: graduate and get a job. Now what?
It took the better part of a year, but I’m starting to figure out the answer.
I’ll never truly have everything under control. Things happen. Life happens. It startles, overwhelms and disappoints. It’s both too much and too little, forever slipping away and catching up.
I’ll never know what awaits me in this gift called life. Who am I but a speck on a speck in the universe, a single frame in the saga of humanity? Yet I know my Heavenly Father knows me. He can pick me out from all the other specks. He loves me, cares for me, and makes me new.
For the first time in forever, I don’t have a plan. Thankfully, our Creator God does. Yes, it can be terrifying, but it’s also freeing. A moment’s uncertainty for an eternity of freedom? Worth it. Every time.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.